Indebted Read online

  I’ve had it. “Don’t say that! He doesn’t want to do those things. I can tell he’s a good person. I agree, I can’t be involved with him, but that doesn’t mean you get to tarnish what few memories I’m going to have of him.”

  Unexpectedly, she grabs my shoulders and shakes them lightly. “You have got to snap out of this daze he’s got you under. It’s one thing to go there because you feel you have no choice. It’s another to make this guy into a fantasy.” Sighing, she steps back. “I think you need some alone time to sort through all the crap running through your head right now. Call me if you need me, I’ll always be here for you. I’m just worried, okay?”

  Too stunned by her outburst and wanting her to just leave right now, I answer, “I know you are. I love you. I’ll give you a call later.”

  She gives me a small hug and then leaves as fast as she got here. I’m disappointed she doesn’t want all the sexy details and to check out my new clothes, but I understand. I’m still a little surprised at myself for having had a good time this weekend. Her leaving so abruptly surprises me since we aren’t separated that much, and definitely not in dangerous situations like this weekend could have been.

  Unable to come up with answers at the moment, I go into the kitchen to make some coffee. A little more motivated with some caffeine in my system, I head to put away some clothes. After a while, my phone signals I’ve received a message. I sit down on the couch and view it, excited when I see it’s from Liam. My heart is ridiculously picking up speed.

  Did you get home okay? See, Chloe? Caring and thoughtful.

  Home safe and sound. Thanks for checking:)

  Did you give your dad the note yet?

  I’ve forgotten all about that. I’m not looking forward to that chat. I’ve not really had time to ponder how I feel about my dad’s role in things. Getting my mind back on Liam, I reply to him.

  Not yet, headed there soon. I wait, hoping maybe he has something else to say. Nothing pops up, so I get desperate….

  How’s your day going?

  I smile as he answers me immediately.

  It would be much better if it was yesterday. I enjoyed our time together.

  Sadness weighs me down, and I sigh as I lay my head on the couch. I want it to be yesterday too. We had so much fun. Being with him felt like coming home.

  If only….

  Me too. I’m sorry things aren’t different, I wish they were.

  That uncomfortable pressure in my chest starts again, and I subconsciously rub my hand over my heart.

  Same here.

  I close my eyes, wondering if I can ever get past this. How someone can affect me so thoroughly in such a short amount of time is something I don’t understand. It’s almost as if a piece of me is missing. You need to stop wallowing. It was fun; now get over it and go back to your life.

  I busy myself with putting my clothes away. The whole time, I’m still itching to text Liam. It’s driving me crazy. An idea hits me, and I decide to go and get my meeting with Dad out of the way. I grab the note and my keys and head to his house

  Opening the screen, I knock, and Dad answers. The door is wide enough to let me in. I give him a once-over to make sure he hasn’t been hurt.

  Giving me a knowing smile, he asks, “Well, boy, seems my little plan worked.”

  My irritation gets the better of me. Bitingly, I answer, “Yeah, it did. Thanks so much for your concern.”

  Rolling his eyes, he patronizes me. “I was worried, but I knew he couldn’t resist my handsome son.”

  I concede he’s not going to suddenly change, and I decide to hand over the note. “Here, this is for you.”

  Looking at me curiously, he takes it and opens the sealed envelope. I stand there, nervously waiting to hear a hint of what this is about. He suddenly chuckles and glances at me, his eyes shining with glee.

  “You must have been some piece of ass, that’s all I got to say,” Dad supplies.

  He hands me the note and walks off. I’m so stunned, I can’t even say anything. I decide to look at it myself.

  To Asshole Quinn, Sr.,

  Your thoughtful and loving son has paid your debt. I have no idea what you might ask of him next time you need to, so I have paid the rest of it off in full.

  If I so much as hear a whisper you have put Aaron in any kind of danger again, you will be sure to regret it.

  Liam

  So many emotions are running through me at this moment: elation, embarrassment, anger, and gratitude.

  What Liam has done is way beyond anything he agreed to. I want to run to him and thank him… personally. The fact that I can’t brings another stab of regret. Since my dad is apparently finished with me, I leave.

  Getting home, I decide to make it an early night and head to the bathroom to start my evening routine. Soon, I slip into bed, giving in to my craving, and pull out my phone. Refusing to fully crack and text him, I open the secret picture I’d taken of Lee sleeping. I probably shouldn’t have, but I wanted something to remember him by, make it feel real.

  In the photo, he’s stretched out, gloriously naked. A maroon sheet is tangled around his sexy, muscular legs. I move my eyes down his sculpted chest to his rippling abs. My heart rate picks up and the blood rushes to my groin. My dick twitches as the beginnings of the dark patch of hair leading to his cock comes into view. Flashes of his length and all the pleasure he can create with it hits me.

  I travel my fingertips down to my aching flesh. Dipping my hand into my sleep pants, I grip myself tightly, moaning as I waste no time and pump myself. Visions race through my head….

  My lips claimed by his.

  Hard muscles flexing and tensing as he drives into me.

  The erotic sounds I inspire him to make.

  With each image, I get closer to my goal. Moving my fist faster, I groan at the sensations running through me. I can almost feel him here with me.

  I imagine his voice filled with want. “I need you so much, Aaron. Show me what I do to you. Show me how much you want me.”

  I lock my eyes on his face and fall over the edge. “Oh fuck…. Lee, so good, always so good.”

  Spurts of my seed cover my hand and stomach. My breathing is rough, but the high doesn’t last for very long. Sadness overtakes me and I’m back to missing him. I switch off my phone and set it on the side table. After cleaning up in a huff, I lay on my side, turning out the light. Reaching that peak without him felt so hollow. How am I ever going to move on?

  Tuesday passes in a blur of work and hanging out with Chloe. She’s acting like everything is back to normal. I don’t mention Liam to keep the peace, even though my mind wanders to him often. It’s weird, though, because I’ve never had to censor myself with her. I don’t like it, but I don’t want things to be awkward, so I watch what I say.

  Wednesday, I contact Kyle and make plans for him to come over this afternoon when I’m off work. I get home and call in a pizza. Soon, the knock at my door tells me he’s here. I’m relieved to have the distraction. After watching Groundhog Day on TV today, my mind has been filled with nothing but Liam and our last day together.

  Smiling wide, I say, “Hey, man, it’s so nice to see you.” I reach up and give him a hug.

  “It’s nice to see you too. I’ve really missed you.”

  “Me too. I can’t believe we ever lost track of each other.”

  As he comes inside, he agrees, “Yeah, me either.”

  We settle in, and the pizza arrives soon after. Most of the night is filled with reminiscing about the old days and watching movies.

  Stretching out and scratching his stomach, he turns to me and asks, “Hey, man, can I get another soda?”

  “Sure thing.”

  I head to the kitchen and notice the envelope on the counter. It reminds me of Liam’s… I don’t even know what to call it—a gift, maybe? I still wonder why he paid the loan off. A small, niggling part of me is hoping it’s because he cares about me, and not about getting rid of dealing with m
y father.

  Deciding to ask, I text him….

  Why did you do that?

  He’ll know what I’m talking about. What else could I be talking about?

  Because I wanted to. You’ve seen my reasoning?

  With those little words, I’m lightheaded with happiness. He really does care. It isn’t about my dad. I want to say more, but can’t think of an excuse to text back. Sighing, I turn and get the sodas out of the fridge. The phone goes off again and I’m hoping it’s him, not Chloe. You are terrible. I know, brain, don’t remind me.

  I glance and discover it is him, and my hands start shaking. He’s trying to prolong our conversation.

  So what have you been up to this week?

  Oh, not much. I’ve been catching up with Chloe and working mostly. I came across Groundhog Day on TV today. Made me think of you.

  Oh that’s great, I think, make yourself sound like a pining dog.

  Yeah? I’ve been thinking of you too. I’ll never look at ice water the same way again.

  I’m giddy because I’ve been on his mind too. Remembering my ice water trick gets me giggling. I miss our easy banter.

  LMAO, that was so funny. I never thought you would scream like a girl :P

  I did NOT scream like a girl! That was YOU when you were caught ;)

  My body instantly reacts to the thought of what happened after I was caught. I can’t help but flirt in my reply.

  Mmmm, I liked getting caught.

  I blush, embarrassed about flirting with a man I’m never going to see again. It’s still fun, though.

  Fuck! You made me hard with that one sentence. It’s going to be tough getting through this next meeting.

  I’m hard now too. It’s powerful having that kind of control over his body.

  Kyle calls from the other room, “Hey, Aaron? You get lost?”

  Reluctantly, I admit to myself I have to go. I briefly type out my reply and head back with the drinks.

  :D My work is done here, then. Have a good day. I have to get back to my guest.

  As I return, my depression resumes. For a few minutes, I was transported to last weekend. Slumping onto the couch, I hand Kyle his beverage without even glancing his way. My head is still filled with thoughts of Liam.

  Kyle nudges me on the arm. “Hey, man, what’s wrong?”

  “Oh, nothing, just got some things on my mind. Sorry.”

  “You want to talk about it? I can be a good listener, you know that.”

  “I know, Ky, I don’t know if you want to hear any of this. I tried to talk to Chloe about it and she got mad at me. I don’t think I can handle another friend being mad at me right now.” Just the thought of neither him nor Chloe to talk to makes me realize how alone I’d be.

  Sighing heavily, he says, “Aaron, I think Chloe is great, but we are different people. I promise to listen and not judge. If it’s something I don’t agree with, I’ll tell you and leave it at that—no hard feelings.”

  “You’re sure? Because I could really use a friend right now to talk this through.” Something about how he is holding himself makes me hopeful. I am desperate to talk to someone about this who won’t yell at me for how I feel.

  “Of course.”

  “Okay, here goes.” I fill him in about my time with Liam, leaving out the reason I was there, of course. That isn’t exactly something I want to broadcast.

  I do tell him about what Liam does for a living and my feelings for him. He’s shocked, to be sure, but still listens, and I’m relieved at this. When I start talking about how hard it was to leave, and us deciding it was for the best if we didn’t see each other, my voice starts shaking. My eyes well up too. Then the fight with Chloe breaks the dam.

  My voice is wavering as I continue. “I don’t understand why Chloe is so mad. I know he has done terrible things, but I feel he is a good person. I know he truly cares for me.”

  I start crying heavily. All the sadness and frustration at the situation seeps out. My body is shaking hard. Kyle reaches for me and pulls me to his chest. I calm down eventually, sitting in his embrace, soaking up his warmth.

  “Shh, it’s okay, Aaron. I’m here for you. I understand how lonely you are right now. I can be there for you, Aaron, but you have to let me.” Before I even know what’s happening, Kyle’s lips are on mine.

  Too stunned to react, I remain still. I think he takes that as a green light, because he deepens the kiss. Coming to my senses, I push on his chest and he immediately backs off. I’m so hurt he tried to take advantage of the situation, and me, that I haul off and punch him in the mouth.

  Jumping up from the couch, I yell at him, “Why the hell did you do that?”

  He stands, pacing in front of me and holding the side of his mouth. He appears to be pissed. Well, that’s too fucking bad—he has no right.

  He stops in front of me and starts speaking. “Fuck! I’m sorry, Aaron. I don’t know why I did that. You looked so sad, it made my heart hurt. I still have feelings for you and I let them get out of hand. I know you don’t feel that way for me. I’ve seen the way you look at Liam, and it’s definitely not how you look at me. Can we forget about my dick move?”

  I’m surprised at his confession because I had no idea he had any sort of emotions toward me other than friendship. I guess it makes sense, but I’m still mad. I don’t know what to do.

  “I’m sorry I don’t return your feelings. I hope we can still be friends, but I can’t have someone in my life who is always trying to make moves on me, especially when I think I may be falling for another. I want you to be there for me. Can you do that, or do you need to leave right now?”

  Kyle appears to be hurt by this, and I feel guilty. I shouldn’t, but I do.

  “Aaron, of course I will be your friend. That won’t happen again, I swear. I know you care for this guy. I saw it when you looked at him. I don’t get it, but it’s not up to me. It’s not my life.”

  “Kyle, I don’t understand it myself. I just know I have feelings for him. And of course I’ll forgive you. You’re my friend and friends are allowed to screw up now and then.”

  Kyle chuckles at that. “Well, unfortunately, I doubt it will be my last, but I’m glad we’re okay. I’m going to leave you with a thought, though—is he worth risking everything for?”

  After he leaves I make it an early night and go to bed. My mind keeps mulling over his words. Is he worth risking everything for? Yes, he is. There is no doubt in my mind, but I don’t know if he feels the same.

  Huffing, I turn over and beat on my pillow in frustration. After a long, restless hour or so, I finally fall into a fitful sleep.

  Thursday, I push myself through work in a fog. I’m so tired and my head is still filled with uncertainties. Arriving home later in the evening than I wanted to, all I crave now is some comfort food. For that, there is only one thing that will do—Mom’s classic mac and cheese casserole. Even though I’m beat, I need something from my mom right now.

  Grabbing the supplies I’ll need, I notice there is no milk. Fuck! Can’t anything go right today? I’m not going to let that stop me, so I pick up my keys and head down to the corner market.

  It’s cold, dark, and miserable out, so I hustle down the street. I keep my head bowed to block some of the winter wind. Suddenly, strong arms wrap around me and yank me into an alley.

  I struggle fruitlessly to get away, but I’m thrown into a wall—with force. It makes my head pound and it’s hard to focus. Turning around to try to somehow defend myself I come face to face with the guy from the other day… the one that held a gun to my back. Adam?

  Before I can make any move to run, I’m hit with a barrage of punches to my face and abdomen. I double over from the pain shooting through me, and he continues his assault. Sinking to the ground, I don’t even try to fight. With my mind still fuzzy and my body aching this badly, I can’t do anything anyway. Blackness is forming around the edges of my sight. He reaches down and fists my hair, pulling my head back so I have to
look at him.

  With his face right in mine, he growls, “Listen here, you little fag. I want you to give a message to Liam for me. You tell that asshole, ‘You hurt someone I care about, I do the same.’ You got me?”

  I manage to mumble an affirmative. Leaving me lying on the ground, he walks away. I can barely move, but in desperation, I scoot to the wall and use the creases in the bricks to get a grip and pull myself up slowly. Hurting everywhere, I start limping my way back home. My forehead is stinging, so I run my hand over it and it comes away bloody.

  Finally making it to my apartment, I immediately head to the bathroom. My mind is blank as I turn on the light and gaze at the damage. The whole right side of my face is a bloody pulp. My eye is already starting to swell shut and I have a large gash on my forehead from hitting the wall. My lip is busted and oozing red too.

  I move my shirt up to assess the injuries there. Fist marks are already apparent. Gradually, I clean myself up in the shower. The water burns, so I try to finish swiftly. Drying off, I bandage up what I can and crawl into bed. I’m exhausted and all I want to do is sleep.

  The ramifications of what happened last night enter my mind when I wake and try to move. Someone came after me because they associated me with Liam. Oddly enough, it doesn’t scare me for the reasons it should. Instead, I’m worried for Liam. This guy is after him, and I don’t know if he’s safe or not. After a while of thinking on it, I realize he has the training to protect himself for this very reason.

  I call in sick to work, which I’m sure will piss off my dad, but I don’t care at the moment. I can’t go in this way. I get a call from Kyle soon after I start my morning routine. He wants to know if I’m willing to meet him for coffee later this evening.

  “Um, I can go with you, but you should know I had a little run-in, so my appearance will be shocking.” Now there is an understatement. I’m nervous about what he will think when he sees me.

  “Run-in? What do you mean?”

  “Well, apparently the straight boys have good gaydar and decided to jump me. They beat the crap out of my face, but otherwise I’m okay.” I bite my lip, hoping he buys the lie.